This post has been on my heart for a while now. The thoughts have been rolling around in my head and I’ve been wrestling with not only what to say, but how much to say and how to say it.
The past few months have been a struggle for us. The struggles that people face can be intense- we all have our own baggage. It has become more and more clear to me that you never know what the people around you are going through. We have faced a lot of things that we have chosen to keep private. Things that would probably shock most people- since you know, we seem to have it all together. Pastor husband, SAHM, two great kids…. what could be stressful in their life???!!?
My point is that it has been one thing after another. We are choosing to continue to trust God.
Sometimes, you have to make that decision firm in your mind…. because your emotions are not lining up. You have to know where you stand and what you stand for. Come what may. Standing in the midst of the trial is not the time to decide whether you are serious about this whole faith thing. That is the time when it seems to be easiest to walk away and just give up.
He had seen us through so much in our lives. I do have faith in Him.
When life doesn’t make sense…. like, at all….
And the circumstances are paralyzing….
And the fear is taking over….
And anxiety sets in….
And you doubt your worth, much less your call….
Through all of that (and more), He is faithful. He is constant. If I just learn to take a breath, step back, and rest in Him.
Things can get out of my control quite often… but God never loses control.
God never loses me. He knows my future and my worth and my calling.
Things might be stressful lately. I don’t know what the future holds. Honestly, in our lives it’s been more about surviving each day.
I titled this entry My Jericho, because I am always trying to find myself in the Bible. When I am going through something, I want to find who went through it first. I want to see how they handled it and how God brought them through. I want to read about their victory or maybe learn from their mistake.
As I read the Bible and thought about all the different Bible stories that I know, I struggled to figure out which one can relate to us currently. I feel like it is one thing after another. A repetitive cycle. We barely make it through one battle and another letter or bill or call comes in that has us scrambling to find our footing. We are desperately searching the horizon for relief. We are in the mindset of asking “what’s going to happen next?”
I think this might have been how the Israelites felt as they looked at the walls of Jericho. They circled day after day. It seemed as though nothing was happening. It seemed as though they were wasting their time and energy. They had to wonder how in the world walking around the walls was going to make a difference. They had to wonder why God didn’t just give them the city. Why the process??
Because life IS A PROCESS.
We trust and then we forget and then we struggle and then we praise and repeat.
We can get caught up in our own stuff, so much so that the process might not seem to make sense.
I feel like we’ve been circling around these same problems… these same issues… fighting these same battles….
day after day
week after week
Waiting on relief.
Being obedient is also a process. Trusting when it doesn’t make sense.
Joshua 6:20 tells us – “When the trumpets sounded, the army shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the men gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so everyone charged straight in, and they took the city.”
Verse 20 is the goal. If the Israelites had stopped circling the city walls one lap short, they may not have received their victory.
You might feel like I do tonight. Exhausted from facing what seems like the same battles over and over and not understanding why nothing is changing. Hold on for your verse 20.
I have faith that my victory is coming. That moment is on the way that is going to change everything. I’m going to exhale and know that everything that has led me to that point was a part of His plan. I trust that now, but I don’t see it yet. I have faith that I will see it.
Don’t give up before the walls of the circumstances you face crumble before your God.
Keep marching. Keep circling. Keep holding on, even if it feels like you are barely making it. Don’t think that you are alone. We are all facing enemies and walls in our lives. You will look back one day and see the purpose and the beauty in His timing.