Battles y’all… they are so real….and so brutal. This year was supposed to be so much better than last year. It had to be. Unfortunately, It has already had its share of ups and downs.
This past Wednesday was exceptionally difficult. When you feel like you are barely keeping everything balanced as is, and then you have a moment (or in my case, a morning) where multiple things crash down at one time. One bump in the road, I can handle. In fact, I am getting pretty good at it. But man, it was like I was walking through a minefield. Every text…every call….was something else that was going wrong. It was a retreat back to my room and put schoolwork on hold cause I need to pray and cry for a while kinda morning.
Otis and I were both just overwhelmed. We knew that we needed to have faith, but when everything seems to be crashing down in a very real way….that’s a hard thing to actually do.
Of course this happens on a Wednesday. A day when we are supposed to be preparing for a service that night. It always seems that the hardest battles show themselves on Wednesdays.
My original plan was to come to the church early that day. We had a list of things to do for the ministries that we are in charge of, not to mention preparing for our upcoming Easter event. After about an hour of my meltdown, things did not seem any better. I called Otis and changed our plans. I told him that I honestly didn’t even feel like coming that day at all.
Part of being a family that works hard at ministry together, means that we all have jobs to do and we work together to make things happen. As much as I would have liked to crawl back under my comforter on Wednesday morning and not face anything, the bottom line was that Allie had a job to do. So, we went to the church as planned. I got busy with my list. Even if life isn’t fair or working out, I can still busy myself to get things done. I know that when God told me to quit my job, that there was ministry for me to do…I know that it was His voice. I have not taken a single moment for granted. I know that it is a huge blessing that I have been able to spend the past couple of years working along side Otis. To have the freedom to homeschool our kids and have the freedom to spend time during the week helping my husband- that’s a big deal to me. HUGE. To be able to serve beside him and not only help, but be present at every single event has meant so much to me.
The thought of my schedule changing and not having that freedom anymore is nauseating. Seriously.
Wednesday I was able to mark almost everything off of my to do list. Service time rolled around and students started arriving. Checking in on their school week and sports activities was a great distraction.
Worship time rolled around and I felt like doing anything other than singing and actually worshiping. I was all cried out.
In that moment when I had an awful, difficult, lousy day…I chose to worship anyway. I chose to raise my hands. More now than ever, I need to surrender completely to God. He has me. Even on the most difficult of days, He is more worthy than I could ever fathom.
I was determined that Thursday would be better. It was. God showed up in our situation and proved, once again, His faithfulness. The difference between 10:30 AM on Wednesday and 10:30AM on Thursday was mind-blowing.
No matter what you might be going through today. Choose to make that choice to worship. Your emotions and thoughts might not always line up, but making that choice is the first step to change your point of view.
Even on the most difficult of days, He is worthy.