I think that if we are honest, there are always things that we want God to transform within us. I also think that there is something special about identifying those things and making them known, whether by putting them into writing or having an accountability partner. It is easy to pray ‘God, make me more like you’ or something like that. It is much more difficult to confront an actual issue in yourself- like God help me to be less of a gossip or help me with this addiction. It has been said that if you don’t admit to having a problem then you can’t take the necessary steps to solve it. This topic honestly came up in a post that listed several writing prompts. I decided to honestly explore it.
The first way that I would want God to transform me is to help me be more confident. If I am being completely honest, I am more often than not very insecure. This is not about body image. It is more about always feeling like you don’t bring enough to the table. I do believe that I am absolutely my own worst enemy, and being aware of that has helped me to overcome this struggle in my life. I used to be very insecure in my friendships- feeling not valued…like people simply tolerated me versus valuing me. Over the past few years though, God has truly blessed me with such an amazing tribe of friends to walk through life with. I have had to overcome feeling threatened over others achievements. I can celebrate with those I love and be completely secure in my giftings and talents. It is such a joy to be able to recognize those things that I am good at and can serve- allowing others to also walk in their own areas. I need to continue to work in being this confident while walking in who God has made me to be, and not trying to make myself something else.
The second area of my life that I would like to be transformed is just being more in tune with God. Hopefully this is something that we are all striving for. There are so many days when I feel like I haven’t prayed enough or spent enough time in His word. I am so thankful for HIS grace!! As long as I am working on it!!! I have created the habit of actually putting my Bible reading on my to do list as the first thing. This helps me to get it done first and sets the tone for my day. I usually have my worship music playing while I am reading, so that allows me to flow right into some quiet/worship time before the busyness of my day. I am continually working on helping my kids with this as well. We were all doing this together during the school year, but now that we are half way through summer break- I realized that my son had probably not picked up his devotional since the last day of school. So I have been trying to do better in holding us all accountable in this area.
The third area of my life that I would like to be transformed in is being a better wife and mom. I am so proud of the little family that Otis and I have created. I am so proud of our children and the people that they are becoming. We have nurtured these relationships and worked hard to protect and honor them. Just because you are putting the work in and proud, does not mean that there still isn’t room for transformation. As far as being a mother goes, it is the most important job title that I will ever carry. I make it my top priority. Growing up, I never had career dreams- I just knew that I wanted to have a family and I knew what kind of mom I wanted to be. I had seen first hand what kind of mother I did not want to be, so breaking that cycle and being the opposite was something that was so important to me. Here is my dirty little secret- I am a “yeller”. I am not proud of it. There are even times when I am yelling at my kids and the enemy whispers in my ear… ‘see, you are just like your mom”. I know that is not true, but those attacks come. I am trying to hold myself accountable for yelling and not yelling as much. I am a work in progress. As far as being a wife goes, marriage is a journey for sure. There are seasons of date nights and being so connected and then there are seasons of barely being able see each other because work is pulling you in opposite directions. There are times when you might feel ahead of the game with finances and then there might be times when you are really struggling, which adds more stress in itself. Otis and I have been married almost twenty years. You would think by then, there would be no more need to growth in our relationship. The truth is that you should never stop growing in your relationship. It should always be your priority to talk and grow and love one another better with each passing day. That is my desire- to be the best wife and most amazing mother. To work toward that and walk in grace even in the midst of my shortcomings.
I could go on and on and probably name several more, but my goal for today was to identify three areas. Even if you only choose to identify one in your own life, think of an area and focus on that. God does and can transform any life, no matter what the circumstances. Lay your failures down and allow Him to meet you where you are!