Even when it hurts

December is a big month for me. It includes my all time favorite holiday– CHRISTMAS. Now, I love Jesus and we do our very best to make sure that our children recognize that He is the reason for this celebration. I can’t even lie though…. I love everything else about christmas too– the movies, shopping, parties, food, music,classic cartoons, decorating, cards, traditions– I love it all. Otis and I also both have birthdays in December, and so this month is usually busting at the seams with smiles, celebrations, and memories.

This time it didn’t start out that way.

A little stress– ok, a lot of stress- bombarded me. It hit me so hard that it almost knocked me to my knees. I felt it mentally and emotionally and even physically.

We even took a couple of days off of school, because I needed time to think through things. I was literally making myself sick.

I prayed… I had Otis pray….I had Allie pray…

I text a few close friends and asked them to pray.

I listened to Even when it hurts by Hillsong on repeat. I took lots of deep breaths. I cried A LOT.

It was a super frustrating and emotional few days for me.

Part of the problem was that I knew that God had me and I knew that promises that He had spoken to me months before, But I just couldn’t see where it all came together. I couldn’t tell where the lines connected.

I couldn’t even believe that I let myself get so upset. Again, I knew what God had told me….but when it all seems to fall apart and you can’t see the next step…..

it left me feeling weak. it left me feeling guilty– my faith should be stronger than this.

I feel better now.

My problems aren’t gone. I don’t have the exact answer.

in fact, the only thing that I do have are HIs promises….and I had those before this situation.

Nothing has changed, but everything has changed.

Life can come in waves and seasons… and sometimes attacks can feel brutal.

Thank God that seasons change, just like waves descend.

You might see where you are now and be holding on to promises of where you will be, but that does not mean that every step in between is going to be easy.

 Just hold on- especially when that feels like all you can literally do. That just makes me feel like the end result is going to be so worth it. Don’t doubt that your journey has a purpose. It’s all a part of your story.

 

“Even When It Hurts (Praise Song)”

Take this fainted heart
Take these tainted hands
Wash me in Your love
Come like grace againEven when my strength is lost
I’ll praise You
Even when I have no song
I’ll praise You
Even when it’s hard to find the words
Louder then I’ll sing Your praise

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

Take this mountain weight
Take these ocean tears
Hold me through the trial
Come like hope again

Even when the fight seems lost
I’ll praise You
Even when it hurts like hell
I’ll praise You
Even when it makes no sense to sing
Louder then I’ll sing Your praise

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

And my heart burns only for You
You are all You are all I want
And my soul waits only for You
And I will sing till the morning has come

Lord my heart burns only for You
You are all You are all I want
And my soul waits only for You
And I will sing till the miracle comes

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

Even when the morning comes
I’ll praise You
Even when the fight is won
I’ll praise You
Even when my time on earth is done
Louder then I’ll sing your praise

I will only sing Your praise

About jfulford01

Hello to anyone taking time form their busy lives to read my blog. I am a wife to an amazing man, who I am blessed to serve alongside in youth ministry. I am mommy to two amazing kids who I am privileged to be able to homeschool. This blog is out of my comfort zone and certainly me trying to be obedient to Christ. I love Him more than I care about my own comfort or awkwardness. Hopefully, this blog is honest, real, and transparent. I'm not a big fan of fake. The Lord is using it to bring growth to me...and I pray that in the process something about my crazy beautiful life might also encourage others.
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