How I feel vs. How I am choosing to feel

This has been a difficult month for me. It started off exciting and promising, but as the days flew by those feelings changed. I thought that this was going to be a life changing month for me. Over a year ago, I had a God moment where I felt His direction in a certain area of my life. We all know change can be super exciting and super scary. When I had that time with the Lord, I was so sure that He was giving me the timeline of a certain month. He told me — months and that number of months led me to April.   I did not have a specific day, just a month. So I have spent more than a year counting down to this month and praying for this month and believing that this was going to be the month that I  would see His promises fulfilled in my life.

It is now May.

So how is a person supposed to feel when they  see what they thought was going to be a miraculous month pass them by?

I can tell you how I feel-

I feel discouraged. I feel broken. I feel foolish. I feel inadequate.

All of these negative feelings have been bombarding me. I feel so discouraged because I thought that things would be different by now. I feel broken because I don’t understand why they are not different by now. I feel foolish because I did have a few close friends praying with me and they have seen my timeline come and go. I feel inadequate– like who am I to think that the Lord would speak to me in such a way. I must have been wrong. I must have done something wrong and now I am not worthy of that plan.

That’s a lot to try a fend off constantly.

I have to be active in this situation and make a choice. I can let those thoughts and feelings overwhelm me, or I can choose differently.

I have been through too much in my life to settle for this. I have to choose differently. I have to choose to remain hopeful. I have to choose to rest in God’s timing. I have to choose to ‘know that I know’ that God has me in the palm of His hand. Nothing has happened that surprised Him. My life did not hit a detour that He did not know about which caused the timing to be thrown off. Nothing surprises God. This isn’t easy by any means and it is an active choice that I have to make every day– sometimes every hour. I still pray and cry and question. At the same time, I have to believe that He has me. As long as I am seeking Him, He will guide and direct me. Things aren’t always going to make sense to my human mind. I have to be ok with that and put all my trust in Him.

If you are like me and find that sometimes things aren’t working out how you thought they would, just hold on. Believe that He is working all of the details out. He is for you. The negative thoughts and feelings can come so easy and quickly— so choose differently.

 

And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature…..  -2 Peter 1:4

 

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About jfulford01

Hello to anyone taking time form their busy lives to read my blog. I am a wife to an amazing man, who I am blessed to serve alongside in youth ministry. I am mommy to two amazing kids who I am privileged to be able to homeschool. This blog is out of my comfort zone and certainly me trying to be obedient to Christ. I love Him more than I care about my own comfort or awkwardness. Hopefully, this blog is honest, real, and transparent. I'm not a big fan of fake. The Lord is using it to bring growth to me...and I pray that in the process something about my crazy beautiful life might also encourage others.
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