today will not go down in history as one of my best days…..
I have been frustrated ALL DAY LONG.
I woke up later than normal and decided that I would flip our normal homeschool routine to see how the kids responded and if it flowed better….
It was a disaster.
School work was not done. Chores were not done. One kid was not showing a single ounce of responsibility and one kid was caught in a lie. You might think that I’m over reacting, but those are both big character traits to me. I’m not teaching little kids…. I’m training people that will be adults one day. I always tell them that I am more concerned about their character and the kind of humans they will be in the world then I am about their comfort at the moment. Little lies and being irresponsible are not creating good habits. So, I’ve spent the afternoon lecturing and fussing. Otis walked in from work and was almost immediately passing out punishments.
I felt like a failure.
These are the kids that we pray over and chose to homeschool so that we can raise them up —- and they know better then how they are acting…
I found myself crying and upset and just having all these thoughts bombard me-
(Now I’m gonna be real honest here)
– am I making a mistake?
– now we are half a day behind schedule in school
– why are they acting like this- what have I done wrong?
– plus the laundry sure didn’t get done today
– and after this crappy day, I get to go work 8 hours
– and I’m going to miss church tomorrow night and that always throws my week off
– I just feel like the balance of my home is off and I feel responsible- chaos and unorganization are everywhere
-I’m telling them that they need to do better, but I need to do better as well
So I’m crying ( or blubbering) these thoughts out to God and praying for peace and insight and His presence to cover me…
I pull into the parking spot at work and I text Otis to let him know I’ve arrived…..
Now, just yesterday I put a devotional in my car. My intention was to read a devotion every night before I go into work. I even put a highliter in my cup holder. Last night was great, I even read two.
I picked up my phone to send that text to Otis and I saw that I had gotten an email that a blog I follow had a new post. I clicked over and read it. Then I felt convicted, because in those two minutes that I read that blog….I could’ve read my devotion.
So, I opened the book….
Know what the scripture was for the day?
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book.” – psalm 56:8
God’s got me. And my husband. And my kids. And my fears. And my imperfections.
And wherever you are tonight, He’s got you too!